Anxiety

Well, we have our homestudy dates! That is very exciting and feels like once we get past that hurdle it will be a big deal. We will have two dates with our social worker, one where we meet with her alone (Paul and I) and then one where she will come to our house. She seems nice and I am excited about this next step. I remember reading blogs, talking with people and thinking "Wow, the home study is a big deal and seems like a big marker for where you are in the process" and we are almost there already! Wow the Lord is gracious to have let these last few months go by quickly...of course it helps when you have two crazy and fun toddlers running around to take care of. This week I have really been battling anxiety...not necessarily about the adoption but about little things that are not of eternal significance (for instance how much time I have to invest in getting better at photography, how perfectly clean my house is or whether or not I can finish a book I started). These things are good things and have a season to accomplish them in but I have been realizing they are gripping my heart too much and creating in me a sense of anxiety and discontentment, so I have been praying about these things which has helped tremendously but I also picked up a great little book called Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety by Elyse Fitzpatrick. I began flipping through it and was so blessed to read through some self-examining questions regarding things that worry you. I thought I would post them so if any of you are struggling with similar things (or bigger anxieties too) you can ask yourselves these questions, which will hopefully thrust us to more faith in God. I would also HIGHLY encourage any of you to read more Elyse Fitzpatrick...she's an amazing biblical counselor and really gets to the issues in our hearts. These questions were in the section entitled: 'The Fear Caused by Perfectionism'

- Is this standard something that will really matter in eternity?
Although keeping a neat home and running an efficient office are good goals, in the end it won't really matter if there is dust on your furniture when you stand before the Judgment Seat of Christ. As you seek to sift through your standards to determine those that are self-imposed, ask yourself questions: What is God himself interested in? What will last throughout time? What is eternal?

- Are the standards or commands that I'm following easily discovered in Scripture, or am I adding or twisting His commands? Would a casual reading of the NT affirm my standards, or are there other things more important to God? -Do I believe I must obey things standard in order to please God? God is pleased with Christ and therefore please with those who have trusted in Christ alone for righteousness. (Matthew 3:17;Eph.1;Phil 3:9)

-Does this project or the way that I think it should be completed mean more to me than the people involved? In light of the command to love others the way we love ourselves we need to realize people are always more important than projects, even projects initiated out of love for God. God rules sovereignly over the completion of all His will. It isn't our place to try and force God or others to do what we think is necessary. Ask the Lord to open your eyes to the needs and struggles of those around you. He can cause your heart to overflow with love and fill you with the ceaseless joy that comes from laying down your life for others. You'll find this so much more satisfying than the fleeting pleasure you might get when you look at your perfectly clean house or a letter that is typed perfectly.

- Do I feel guilty when I relax? God has given us the command to care for our bodies and ordained fellowship with other Christians to be a source of strength, growth and renewal. Even Christ took time away from the crowds for renewal. Learning to take time to relax isn't wrong; in fact, it's a necessity. God love you and will help you accomplish everything you need to do for Him if you spend time in God-honoring rest.

-Do I understand that all Christians, including me, are in a state of flux and growth? Do I give people room to fail, grow and change? Am I patient with them?

-Do my priorities reflect a God-centered focus? Jesus taught the road to freedom from fear was found in seeking God's promises- in seeking His kingdom and rule first (Matt.6:25-33). It's as you focus your life on God's kingdom that He's promised to supply every one of your needs. Remember, He knows you and has pledged that "all these things will be added to you" (Matt. 6:33)

Back to the blogging board...

Our computer has been sick the last few weeks so I haven't been able to blog. There hasn't been too much to update on anyways. We have been waiting for a call to schedule the homestudy but haven't heard anything so I called Gladney to check in. Gladney said we should be recieving a call this week and have already been assigned a social worker - so that's exciting!And can I just interject how much I love Gladney? Everyone is sooo sweet and helpful, even when I can tend to be stalkerish with questions. She assured me I was right on track items on our end and hopefully still looking at November for sweet one to be home! In the meantime I am chasing around TWO walking boys...yes you heard right...Phin is walking like a champ! He started a few days shy of his one year birthday. I'm loving it but it definately provides more opportunities for me to trust God, thus the reason why he currently has two large bumps in a light purple hue on his forehead. I am amazed at the fear that can easily rise up in my heart when one of the boys falls or I see blood anywhere on them. I want to be concerned, as is my motherly duty, but to do so in a way that is depending on God in humility. I can easily make my little sweet guys my idols and want them to live in bubbles and never experience pain or harm. This isn't the life God has called them OR me to. May I embrace this truth in faith and full assurance of God's wisdom and goodness. I am also humbled they aren't hurt worse and realize just how often God keeps them safe - not mommy. I just finished The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson and want to really encourage anyone who has not read it to do so. It was so great and very practical on the role, the joys and the challenges of being a mom. She gave so many ideas to cultivate biblical attitudes into the hearts of your children and a lot of scenarios in her own life which make her an easy read and very transparent, especially for those of us needing more rolemodels for wise, godly mothering. Sally ancd her Husband Clay have a whole ministry geared toward godly parenting and also homeschooling, the link is: http://www.wholeheart.org/whmain.php

Spurgeons gospel encouragements

I read this morning in CH Spurgeon's daily devotional and was so encouraged! I pray his words will encourage you as well and you will find grace in whatever your needs are today. I posted the above picture because it was such a fresh reminder, along with this devotion, of our spiritual condition. We are lame and needy beggars aren't we? How much we need the gospel to heal and help us!

“Great multitudes followed him, and he healed them all.” Matthew 12:15
What a mass of hideous sickness must have thrust itself under the eye of Jesus! Yet we read not that he was disgusted, but patiently waited on every case. What a singular variety of evils must have met at his feet! What sickening ulcers and putrefying sores! Yet he was ready for every new shape of the monster evil, and was victor over it in every form. Let the arrow fly from what quarter it might, he quenched its fiery power. The heat of fever, or the cold of dropsy; the lethargy of palsy, or the rage of madness; the filth of leprosy, or the darkness of ophthalmia—all knew the power of his word, and fled at his command. In every corner of the field he was triumphant over evil, and received the homage of delivered captives. He came, he saw, he conquered everywhere. It is even so this morning. Whatever my own case may be, the beloved Physician can heal me; and whatever may be the state of others whom I may remember at this moment in prayer, I may have hope in Jesus that he will be able to heal them of their sins. My child, my friend, my dearest one, I can have hope for each, for all, when I remember the healing power of my Lord; and on my own account, however severe my struggle with sins and infirmities, I may yet be of good cheer. He who on earth walked the hospitals, still dispenses his grace, and works wonders among the sons of men: let me go to him at once in right earnest. Let me praise him, this morning, as I remember how he wrought his spiritual cures, which bring him most renown. It was by taking upon himself our sicknesses. “By his stripes we are healed.” The Church on earth is full of souls healed by our beloved Physician; and the inhabitants of heaven itself confess that “He healed them all.” Come, then, my soul, publish abroad the virtue of his grace, and let it be “to the Lord for a name, for an everlasting sign which shall not be cut off.”

Some Recommended Reading

I finished reading There Is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene a while back and really enjoyed it. I didn't post anything about it but would encourage anyone interested in Africa, Ethiopia or adoption to pick it up. I learned a lot. But I also wanted to recommend something to read with the little ones. I have been reading through A family from Ethiopia by Julia Waterlow with my oldest, Job. He has really been enjoying it. He finds it interesting to hear about how an average Ethiopian family eats, lives and works. He liked seeing the pictures of the children in the family and the cattle. When we were done he said he thought he would be getting a brother! There are also some other books I have to order from the library that look good for young readers. I also found a link to a whole list of books for children and young adults about Ethiopia, thanks to AAI. Here's the link for that if your interested: http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/books/0ethiopia-children.html . We got our FBI fingerprints done but have not got the appt for our CIS fingerprinting, which probably won't happen until after our homestudy. We have been getting some things done with our Dossier and need to notorize them. Right now that's what were in the middle of - dossier paperwork - and awaiting our homestudy appt. Some of the things just take time and other things are very simple. God is bringing great encouragments and refreshment along the way and continuing to renew my heart with motivation to get our wee one home!

Application done

Well...we are officially done with the Gladney application other than our last reference being in. I mailed the remaining items on Tuesday. We have been slowly working through Dossier stuff, trying to get that in and finished. When I was looking at all that needs to be done it was overwhelming and I didn't know where to start! I am a visual person so some friends of ours, also adopting from Ethiopia, helped me out a ton by showing me how things should look, etc!! Thank the Lord for the Mestas' family! It helps to have smart people for friends ;o) They are further in the process than we are which is much to our advantage. We have our fingerprint appt for the FBI clearance today at 2:p. I am excited as we keep trucking along through things. At the moment I am listening to my two cute boys pull out lots of bowls and tupperware from under the counter...what's the harm if they are having fun right? As I look at their little faces smiling I can't believe I get to be a mom, what a gift of grace! I cannot wait until I can see three smiliing faces!